What Hurts the Most
by ninajunkie
Summary: Song Fic Losing someone very close to you is extremely difficult. The only thing you can do is go on with your life and hope that everything starts getting better. Or is there another way to get rid of the pain?


_All the words in bold are lyrics takenfrom the song What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts. I highly suggest listneing to the song before, after, or while reading the story. It's very tear-jerking._

"For the tenth day in a row, I woke up to the incessant beating of raindrops against the glass window. I used to think of it as a sign of comfort, knowing that the sky had the ability to match how I felt on the inside. But now that I'm truly in a state of depression it just weakens me even more. I hate being alone in this huge flat. Yes, at first that is what I wanted, just a place to myself. But having to be reminded of that specific fact every time I take a step on this floor is not what I wanted. With this nonstop beating against the roof and the outside walls, life doesn't seem to get any better and it doesn't help to relieve the ache I have in my heart. The continuous banging of this downpour isn't what seems to bother me; it's the fact that the rain is a constant reminder that I'm alone in this vast place."

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me**

"I know that it's probably not good for my back, but I couldn't get myself to walk to my room last night so I had to result to sleeping on the couch. As plush and tranquil as it may be, I can't seem to get my eyes to close while upon that king sized bed with six huge feather pillows. I know that there should be something else in that extra vacant space, but yet I continue to sleep alone 'til this very day. But that doesn't bother me.

"All that I can think about every minute of every hour of every single day is you. Most days I can put on this façade that no one seems to notice, but the truth is that I'm really not that content with sitting behind that desk everyday. On those days where I can't seem to fully put my deceiving mask on, my tears let themselves loose. I know that I'm a different person now, but I still don't ever let anyone see me cry. I'm not scared to let myself go from time to time, but I just don't want them to know how much I miss you. Everyday I have to deal with the fact that I lost my one true love."

**I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while**

"They said that six months should have been plenty of time to get over you, but it still upsets me everyday knowing that I can't be with you. Every day that passes by that I don't see your face, or touch your skin, or even look into your mesmerizing eyes, it makes me weaker. I know that one of these days I will no longer live in a normal state and I might even be driven to madness. But that doesn't bother me either."

**Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me**

"You want to know what truly hurts the most? It's knowing that you were the only person that I let break down my barriers and know the real me; knowing that we were so close together; knowing that you meant everything to me and that my life for the first time ever was perfect… and then all of a sudden you were gone. My heart felt so much for you and it hadn't fully expressed itself to you. I still want you to know that my feelings for you never died or faded."

**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away**

"Do you want to know what else really hurts? Never getting the chance to know what life had in store for the both of us together. Now I will never know how exceptional my life could have been if you were by my side. I don't think that you ever noticed how much I loved you. They say that love is blind, but how could I ever have let my feelings slip and never give you the quality of life that you deserved without going over board? But now I realise that I should have showered you instead of withdrawing."

**And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do**

"Now that I don't have a single ounce of hope of being with you, I try to go on with my life. I promise you that I'm giving my all to live a normal life and I'm doing this all for you because I know it's exactly what you want me to do. But it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in all these twenty-three years of breathing. It's even worse than when my father tried having full control of my life and then escaping his grasp. Every shop I walk into, every street I walk down, and every friend I visit, beings back the pain within my heart. It's impossible to forget you. But I try just for you."

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It

"Even though you were the first one to break down my barriers, you weren't the only one to befriend me. Once you opened my heart, it refused to stay shut and therefore others started to notice. Your friends finally became my friends and I was never alone. You and I would always go out with those knuckleheads and their girls, and I was finally content with my life. But now that I'm still friends with them, it's just another reminder that I no longer have you to hold. Even though I did lose you, I don't want to lose my newfound friendships, so I keep that façade around them and force a happy face for their sake. I don't want them to worry about me.

"Another problem with living this horrid life is that it gets harder every day to wake up and get to work. I force myself to the Ministry every morning because I know it's not a good thing to waste my life away and result to nothing. I know it's what you want me to do and not to sulk over you, so I once again try hard for your sake. For you to know that it's not getting to me, even though it is."

**It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret**

"If for some reason the world gave me a second chance, I would do everything different. I of course wouldn't change meeting with you that one day, or gaining the trust of everyone, but I would change the way I treated you. I wouldn't hold back and I would let words escape my lips that my heart was dying to release. Even though I told you so much, I never said even half of the things I felt for you. I was scared; scared of letting the truth get out that I was capable of love, and that it had finally held onto me."

**But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken**

"To this very day it still constantly hurts. We were so close, closer than imaginable for me, but you still felt distant from me. You felt distant from everyone, and for that I wish you could forgive me. Please forgive everyone. No one ever meant to hurt you, especially me.

"Everyone started getting back to their lives slowly but surely. I think that I'm the only one who has gotten worse instead of getting back to my normal life. Even though I'm still walking and breathing, I feel dead because you are no longer walking with me. Even the darkest of magic couldn't bring you back to me, and that's one thing I haven't been able to live with. The guilt is tearing me apart inside and I just want to get rid of it, but it won't leave my forsaken heart. I'm ready to give up anything and everything just to be by your side once again.

"I want to touch your hair, breathe in your wonderful scent of vanilla, and lace my fingers within yours again. So prepare yourself angel, because we will soon be brought back together and I can once again look into your golden eyes. I will put all my strength and force into this just so I can live in happiness again. So this is my last good bye to you until we meet again."

The man with the whitest blonde hair finally rose up from the mud and grass covered ground and hovered over what he had been staring at for the past hour and a half. His cheeks looked like they would be permanently stained from his tears and his blue eyes were blood shot from crying. His eyes tore away from the gloomy sky and looked down upon the object of his affection. The rain hadn ever stopped falling so his eyebrow-length hair stuck to his forehead. He lifted his right hand and carved the number '183' into the stone next to the same number of dash marks.

When he completed his task, he once again looked at the front of the stone and read it quietly under his breath.

"_Hermione Jane Granger  
September 17, 1979 – January 7, 2003  
Princess to the Wizarding World, Loyal friend, and the smartest witch of her time"_

He paused and then added, "And also a wonderful girlfriend."

The wizard bent down and gently pressed his lips against the wet and cold stone before him. He walked away, never looking back, and quietly left the graveyard. Once he reached the entrance, he noticed a jumble of black hair on top of a man's head who was leaning against the entrance's gates.

"You still come here every day, don't you?" the raven haired man asked with sadness filled in his voice.

"If I can't see her everyday, then I talk to her everyday. It's the only way to let her know I still love her," he replied with a shy smile following.

"You're not the only one who misses her, you know. To this very day I still feel guilty for making her feel the lowest she ever had, driving her to doing such a heinous act."

"Take what you feel and double it twenty times. That's how I feel. I was the one who was supposed to help her out through everything and comfort her when she needed it. But I was too blind to notice how she was feeling. And to add to the despair she felt, I made her feel like she was lower than dirt. I had been with her for more than a year at that point, and not once did she ever hear the words 'I love you' from me, even though I felt them."

"I know it's hard, but we'll all get through this together…" He gave the sorrow filled man a pat on the back and then pulled him into a hug. It was the first one they ever shared.

"Don't worry about me. I think I've finally gotten over it and I have a new outlook on my life."

"So you're going to be okay now?"

"Yeah, I'm positive that everything will be better from now on."

The blonde finally left the place that was filled will sadness while the other went to go pay a visit to their friend. While he walked to the stone, the black haired man felt like his friend's words were honest and that he will finally be able to live without guilt and mourning. For some reason, he truly believed what he had been told, and a weight was lifted from his shoulder as he reached the gravestone.

**x.X.x**

"Harry! Harry! Where are you, there's something that you have to see!"

"I'm in the kitchen!"

"You will never believe this, but go ahead and read it!" cried a tall red head as he ran into the kitchen and handed a newspaper over to the other man.

"It's too early in the morning for me to read. But alright, what page?"

"The front."

Here's what the sought after article read:

_The Daily Prophet  
Thursday 10 July, 2003_

_Last night, Ministry officials received an owl from Blaise Zabini regarding a missing friend. The last Mr. Zabini heard from Draco Malfoy was at ten that morning before he left to go visit his late girlfriend's grave, Miss Granger. Zabini mentioned that every Wednesday he and Draco gather at his place for a night at the pub. When Mr. Malfoy failed to show up, Mr. Zabini apparated to his place and knocked profusely at his friend's door. After five minutes of no answers, he opened the door with his wand and proceeded to search the flat._

_He was very alarmed at the sight he saw and right away requested help from St. Mungo's. Draco Malfoy had been found on top of his bed with a hole in his head. We have been told that he used a Muggle weapon called a gun and killed himself with it. Healers from St. Mungo's have informed us that witches and wizards with connections to the Muggle world have resorted to forms of suicide with this type of a weapon. They also told us that even their most advanced magic couldn't help him since he had already been dead once he was taken in._

_Mr. Zabini has rejected to inform us of any plans for a funeral, but we are sure that his newfound friends, the famous Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley will also be helpful with the planning. Everyone here in the staff at the Daily Prophet would like to say that we will terribly miss this beloved man of our community and we offer our condolences to those who were very close to him._

Before either of the men could comment on the article, an owl flew in through an open window and landed on the kitchen table with two pieces of parchment. Harry untied them and read the first note aloud.

"_Harry, I know that this is hard on all of us but I really want you and Ron to help with the funeral. I know that you both must have already read the paper this morning and that Ron has ventured over to your place. The one thing that I never mentioned to the reporters was that I found a note in his hand signed to who ever found him first. I feel that you both, Ginny, and Luna have the right to read it, considering we were all close with Draco. Contact me back as soon as you get over the shock._

_Blaise"_

Harry reached his hand into the air to stop Ron from making any comments and proceeded to read aloud the second parchment that was covered in a few smears of blood.

"_I will finally be with the love of my life and live without pressure on my heart. All I request is to be buried right next to her so we can spend an eternity side-by-side."_

* * *

**A/N**

I wrote this last night when I couldn't sleep, and I put the finishing touches and such earlier today. This is dedicated to a friend of mine that has recently passed away because he felt that no one in his life cared about him. It's a very hard thing to deal with, so I wish luck to everyone who has someone special in their lives.

Please review and tell me if you absolutely hated it or what you liked about it, or what I can do to improve on my other stories.


End file.
